Building Yourself to Serve

Setting the Blueprint

When I was very little, I used to watch my parents give their time, energy, and sometimes money to others who had need. They were educators as well as fearless and tireless advocates for their students and their families. They both started their educational careers well before much of the United States began to integrate public schools, so they had a keen awareness of both the immediate and generational effects their examples and their service would have.  Positioning themselves to help others because they were sincere in their desire to help, opened doors for them, intellectually, spiritually, emotionally and even sometimes financially. They built up a deep well of support and good will, after their retirement and into their later years, because they recognized early on the more they “gave away” of their time, energy, limited finances but most importantly their attention, the deeper the bonds they were making with their students.

Serve and Grow

Booker T. Washington said it best, “If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else.” Serving others is a gesture that can benefit all parties involved. For you, helping others causes your brain to release serotonin and dopamine, otherwise known as the “feel good” hormones. These two hormones have been known to positively affect a number of the body’s functions, including emotional regulation, focus, cognitive function, motivation and an overall sense ofhappiness.

Beyond the physiological benefits though, serving helps to build a stronger social contract with others. When you feel invested in others around you, and they trust and feel invested in you, everyone tends to be less self-centered. This allows you and your “circle” to feel a greater consciousness of how decisions might affect others. It can also build a greater sense of ownership and accountability.

When we serve others, we open the door for a greater sense of knowledge and intimacy about those in our “circle” or community. When you position yourself to help, you’re generally opening yourself up to receive and respond to someone else’s needs. You’re prone to listening more deeply, observing body language and generally communicating in a way that can be deeper than words. This can be true with a small thing such as a regular call to determine someone’s welfare, sharing a meal with someone who might not be able to feed themselves, assisting with a chore, consistently using affirming and uplifting language, to even larger deeds that literally can save a life.

How do you prepare yourself to serve?

It’s generally not hard to prepare oneself to serve others. First, have an open heart. Then consider some additional attributes that can help you to serve with sincerity, truth and effectiveness.

Empathy– Being able to understand what others are experiencing without being emotionally drawn into their situation is important because you can quickly lose perspective. The goal, in helping someone is not to be drawn into their situation and need help yourself, but to have a clear view in how to assist them.

Patience– Just as you would want someone to be patient with you, make it a point to have the same. You may never fully know what someone is going through at a given moment. You can make a situation worse or invalidate whatever good deed you set out to do by rushing or pushing.

Humility –When you truly realize, it’s not about YOU, is when you truly begin to grow. Humility is rooted in selflessness – but not a dangerous selflessness. Understanding the larger picture, helping others with whatever gifts or talents you might possess that they don’t, does serve the larger interest. The universe, the Creation, DOES thrive when we lend ourselves to creating greater harmony, health and happiness because we value working collectively towards a healthy goal.

Discernment– Know the boundaries, theirs and yours. Be honest about your desire and ability to serve others. Be just as inquisitive about why you want to serve as how you want to serve. And be honest about your limitations. There’s never any need for martyr or heroes – both of those tend to add “unnecessary characters to an already troubling story.” Serving others is certainly important, but it doesn’t require you constantly being in danger physically, emotionally or spiritually.

Just as importantly, make your service an OFFER, not an imposition. For some, depending on the situation, and how they are wired, just the offer alone can be enough. Knowing that someone else truly cares and is willing to assist, even if its uncomfortable or not convenient, can help them push through. Sincerely caring can be an incredible motivator. On the other hand, if someone draws a line, clearly indicates the assistance is not needed or wanted, and you persist, then you might simply become another problem they have to figure out. In situations like this, it’s important to tread lightly, and whenever you can, seek the counsel of others who might have a better assessment of the person and the situation.

Consistency– Consistency is one of the most valuable assets a person can possess. I often tell my coaching clients, “there’s rarely any long-term success from an instant solution.” What does that mean? Showing up, doing the work, producing in such a way that the act itself becomes a good habit. A mentor once told me, “Imagine how the world would be, if people did good deeds as regularly, and without thinking, as they breathed” His point was, if we make service as reflexive as any of the other “necessary” bodily functions, everything and everyone ascends.

Give yourself away– Be willing to “give yourself away” to find yourself. We learn the most about ourselves when we are in community with others. Delving deeply into an issue or concern that’s not our own, helps to shift the focus away from self. The problem solving that we can apply, individually and/or collectively gives us an opportunity to look at ourselves from an “outsider’s” view. It enhances not only our understanding of others, but it also deepens self-awareness.  Think about what it takes for someone to open themselves up for assistance. Reflect on the humility and courage it can take for some to truly ask for help. In honoring their vulnerability and their need, you also have an opportunity to consider how you might position yourself, when you need the help. There’s an adage I learned long ago: “you learn yourself twice, when you have to ‘ask’ and when you have to ‘answer’.”

Ultimately, when we focus on personal growth with sincerity and balance in order to help others, it benefits everyone. Striving for and attaining those collective as well as personal achievements are part of Mastering the Art of Living!